Grief and Your Brain
What is the impact of grief on the brain? Have you been in a situation with a critically ill loved one when you experience “brain fog”? Or when someone close to you died, did you go into a flurry of activity, or an immobile stupor? Grief can have both short-term and long-term effects on the brain, and “re-wires” it for a time.
My grandma had fallen, she was in a local hospital, not doing well. On the drive to the hospital in a mindless fog I heard a siren behind me. Was I speeding? The police officer pulled me over and asked for my license and insurance. I handed them over and explained to him I was on the way to the hospital to see my grandma. Graciously he reminded me, “If you get into a car accident it will not help your grandma,” and let me go with a warning. I drove off slowly, kicking my brain back into consciousness.
In another situation, right after my mother died at her home, I went into a mindless flurry of sorting her medications so when the nurse arrived, we could return the remaining morphine. My brain kicked into some obscure gear to block out the immediate grief.
Amy Paturel, a freelance journalist, wrote an article in the Discover – Science that Matters magazine (September/October 2020) called “The Mourning Mind.” In the article she presents scientific evidence for changes in the grieving brain. She writes, “In an attempt to manage overwhelming thoughts and emotions while maintaining function, the brain acts as a super-filter to keep memories and emotions in a tolerable zone, or obliterate them all together. According to a 2019 study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, grievers minimize awareness of thoughts so related to their loss. The result: heightened anxiety and an inability to think straight.”
So then how do we deal with grief? First, we recognize our brains may well disconnect for a time. After the initial grieving, Ms. Paturel suggests we find ways to heal the brain. You could do an activity you previously enjoyed with your loved one, visit the cemetery, journal about your caretaking experience, or look at pictures and make a scrapbook or virtual display of your time together. In some cases grief therapy or mindfulness-based cognitive therapy may help.
If you suffer depression to the point you cannot function after a period of time (which will vary in every situation) it is critical you seek help.
In Dancing with Lewy: A Father-Daughter Dance Before and After Lewy Body Dementia came to Live With Us, I wrote about my mom’s death. “I grieved for my mother. Grief was my master and I was merely its servant. Grief decided I would hear a song and cry in my car. Grief said, ‘Be flooded with sadness’ at the local theater after her death, because the last time I’d been there was with my mom. I cried when I first wrote this story in my blog, and she had been gone nine years at that time. While I was crying for my mom, I cried about missing my grandparents, missing the good times when we were young and a youth that had flown away.”
Grief is part of the human experience. We must recognize it for what is, understand it will impact our brain, and know we will never be quite the same again.
You can read more about Amy Paturel’s writing at www.amypaturel.com.
More information about “Dancing with Lewy” is found at www.nancyrpoland.com