Grief and Renewal of the Mind

by | Aug 26, 2020

This summer I have been following Susie Larson’s devotional series taken from her book “Fully Alive“.  I had no sooner written my last blog on grief, when the chapter “I’m Grieving” came up on my email notification.  

Susie is a writer and speaker from the Minneapolis area.  Throughout her life she has struggled with chronic physical illness, financial and family challenges.  In “Fully Alive” she explores how our emotional, spiritual, and physical health are linked together.  In the chapter on grief,  Susie talks about doing the difficult work to move ourselves through the grief process; I’ve summarzied some of her ideas.   

There are three unhealthy ways of dealing with grief that may stand in our way of returning to good mental, physical and spiritual health:

  • We stuff and numb – Instead of dealing with hurt we shove our feelings down into our souls to deal with later. Then what happens?  Postponed grief ensures an inability to heal from the event.
  • We deny and deflect – We may “deny” our own grief by going into a flurry of activity.  We “deflect” by focusing on others instead of dealing with our own issues.  Susie writes, “Scripture does say that we’re to prefer others ahead of ourselves, but Jesus intended for us to do so with a full, free, and whole heart…we numb out on Christian activity while our souls are longing for attention.”
  • We rehearse and rehash – Victim-minded, negative, self-focused, self-destructive thoughts can repeat in our mind, over and over again. Similar to my previous blog, Susie talks about the process in our brains called neuroplasticity. When we focus on destructive thoughts, our brain hardwires those circuits.  When we focus on hope and God’s promises, our brain can rewire those circuits, leading to health and healing.

So how do we deal with grief, whether it be from a personal loss, a long-ago incident, or the death of someone close to us?

  • Grieve, my friend. Cry, reflect, take the time to process your loss. Climb the mountain.
  • Face the wounds, and if needed, seek the help of a Godly counselor or mentor. Do not let sorrow lead to chronic, clinical depression.
  • Practice a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to victim thinking. Replace your brain space with thoughts of gratitude, joy, and hope, creating new neural circuits leading to healing.
  • Seek God, read scripture, claim God’s promises for us to live whole and free lives.

God promises renewal!

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.  Titus 3:4-5

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  Romans 12:2

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Grief Rewires the Brain

by | Aug 16, 2020

Grief and Your Brain

What is the impact of grief on the brain?  Have you been in a situation with a critically ill loved one when you experience “brain fog”?  Or when someone close to you died, did you go into a flurry of activity, or an immobile stupor?  Grief can have both short-term and long-term effects on the brain, and “re-wires” it for a time.

My grandma had fallen, she was in a local hospital, not doing well. On the drive to the hospital in a mindless fog I heard a siren behind me. Was I speeding?  The police officer pulled me over and asked for my license and insurance. I handed them over and explained to him I was on the way to the hospital to see my grandma.  Graciously he reminded me, “If you get into a car accident it will not help your grandma,” and let me go with a warning. I drove off slowly, kicking my brain back into consciousness.

In another situation, right after my mother died at her home, I went into a mindless flurry of sorting her medications so when the nurse arrived, we could return the remaining morphine.  My brain kicked into some obscure gear to block out the immediate grief.

Amy Paturel, a freelance journalist, wrote an article in the Discover – Science that Matters magazine (September/October 2020) called “The Mourning Mind.”  In the article she presents scientific evidence for changes in the grieving brain.  She writes, “In an attempt to manage overwhelming thoughts and emotions while maintaining function, the brain acts as a super-filter to keep memories and emotions in a tolerable zone, or obliterate them all together.  According to a 2019 study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, grievers minimize awareness of thoughts so related to their loss. The result: heightened anxiety and an inability to think straight.”

So then how do we deal with grief?  First, we recognize our brains may well disconnect for a time.  After the initial grieving, Ms. Paturel suggests we find ways to heal the brain.  You could do an activity you previously enjoyed with your loved one, visit the cemetery, journal about your caretaking experience, or look at pictures and make a scrapbook or virtual display of your time together.  In some cases grief therapy or mindfulness-based cognitive therapy may help. 

If you suffer depression to the point you cannot function after a period of time (which will vary in every situation) it is critical you seek help.

In Dancing with Lewy: A Father-Daughter Dance Before and After Lewy Body Dementia came to Live With Us, I wrote about my mom’s death.  “I grieved for my mother. Grief was my master and I was merely its servant. Grief decided I would hear a song and cry in my car. Grief said, ‘Be flooded with sadness’ at the local theater after her death, because the last time I’d been there was with my mom. I cried when I first wrote this story in my blog, and she had been gone nine years at that time. While I was crying for my mom, I cried about missing my grandparents, missing the good times when we were young and a youth that had flown away.”

Grief is part of the human experience.  We must recognize it for what is, understand it will impact our brain, and know we will never be quite the same again.

 You can read more about Amy Paturel’s writing at www.amypaturel.com.

More information about “Dancing with Lewy” is found at www.nancyrpoland.com

 

Can Bad Teeth Lead to Dementia?

by | Jul 15, 2020

The Experts Answer

While there are various findings on the effect of poor oral mouth care, experts do agree seeing the dentist regularly and taking care of your teeth is critical to overall health.  In “Dancing with Lewy”, you will read:

“Bacteria from the mouth can easily get into the bloodstream and cause infection and inflammation wherever it spreads. Substances that are released from gums inflamed by infection can actually kill brain cells and lead to memory loss. Dementia and possibly even Alzheimer’s disease can result from gingivitis when the bacteria in the mouth spreads to the nerve channels or enters the bloodstream. Taking care to prevent oral health problems like gingivitis and periodontal disease can go a long way toward decreasing the risk for more serious health problems throughout the body.   “10 Health Issues Caused by Poor Oral Health”.  Absolute Dental, January 26, 2017

I also received an endorsement from Dr. Eugene G Dvoracek DDS, a retired family practice dentist:

“My mother was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia with symptoms starting in early 2008, ending with her passing in early 2015.  My family had the same type of experiences with my mother that Nancy had with her father.  Additionally, I have had the experience of helping during the Parkinson’s disease progression of one my closest friends who passed after a 20 year battle.

Nancy clearly stated the importance of maintaining the oral hygiene of patients suffering from diseases such as Lewy Body Dementia and Parkinson’s.  As a dentist who has treated patients suffering from dementia and Parkinson’s, I totally agree.  Actually, a healthy, disease free oral cavity is an important component of optimal whole-body wellbeing.  Untreated dental decay leads to painful bacterial infections in the bone above the tooth root tip.  Untreated gum disease leads to tooth loss and debilitating bacterial infection that can spread throughout the body and affect multiple body organs. The medical community realizes the importance of the relationship between optimal oral health and overall body health and counsel their patients accordingly.

“Dancing with Lewy” offers practical advice to caregivers, who have to deal with myriad of personal, medical, financial, and legal issues.  Also, she stresses the importance that the caregivers have to take care of themselves to be effective.”

Thank you Dr. Dvoracek for your recommendation.  And as the dentist says, “Brush and floss your teeth!”

For more information on  “Dancing with Lewy”, or to order a copy of this brand new book, go to nancyrpoland.com.

 

“Dancing with Lewy” Available for Purchase

by | Jun 28, 2020

How to Buy a Copy

When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was “a writer”.  My dream has come true!  In July 2020 I will have copies of “Dancing with Lewy”.  While it will be released to bookstores and Amazon in early 2021, I am allowed copies for personal distribution.  I will have a limited supply, so order yours today.

How to obtain your copy of “Dancing with Lewy”?

  • Purchase it at my website, www.nancyrpoland.com. The book will be shipped to you.
  • If you are near me and can pick up the book or arrange to meet, you can save the shipping costs. Please order through my website so I can track the tax. To make arrangements contact me by phone or email [email protected].
  • If you prefer an e-book or audio book, they will be available at the end of 2020 off Amazon.

Presentations

If your community group, church, book club, or other organization would like to hear about our story, I can meet with your virtually. (Hopefully when COVID-19 has run its course I will be able to visit in person, as travel permits.)

Thank you for sharing in our story.  My hope is “Dancing with Lewy” will speak to your heart and give hope to caregivers, past, present and future.

“Dancing with Lewy” – A Beacon to Families

by | Jun 10, 2020

Lee was the type of dad you could call day or night with a flat tire, and he would come running.  If a neighbor needed groceries, he would appear at the door with grocery bags.  He was a U.S. Navy veteran, an entrepreneur, and a father of four daughters. So imagine how it rocked the family dynamics when he could no longer balance his checkbook or assemble a flashlight.

“Dancing with Lewy” is a story of this man, my dad. You will get to know him both through stories from his early life, and via his poetry wound throughout the book.  This is the story of how we “danced” around his Lewy body dementia.  There were times of frustration, anger, and desperation. There were also times of humor and kindness.  It was a push-pull, a “dance” that sometimes went well and sometimes went horribly.

Dads and moms, this is a story of how your actions affect your children, even when they are adults. Sons and daughters, see if you identify with my personal struggles as a caretaker.  “Dancing with Lewy” is a book of life-lessons.  It has been described as “A beacon to families” (D. Carr) and “A must read for every caretaker” (M. Foscarini).  https://nancyrpoland.com/?page_id=108

I am looking forward to sharing this book with you.  Subscribe to updates on the release of “Dancing With Lewy” at nancyrpoland.com.